SID: Hello Sid Roth, your investigative reporter here with Tracy Leigh. I have difficulty relating to what happened to Tracy, but unfortunately throughout the world, many, too many can relate. Tracy, as just a young kid, five years of age, you were almost addicted to pornography. How does a five year old get this way?
TRACY: You walk downstairs and you lose your ball, your little ball underneath a chair. You go up underneath the chair and you find a Playboy Magazine.
SID: But it wasn’t just pornography, it was women. Why women? Why do you feel that?
TRACY: Well at the age of five, I was molested by a friend of the family who had molested a lot of children in the neighborhood. And when I didn’t perform for him the things he wanted to do – he would go into the bedroom and he would rape his sons. I felt sort of obliged.
SID: My goodness you were sabotaged from the very beginning. But then something very traumatic happened to you; tell me about the fire.
TRACY: I was at a brownie meeting and my mom didn’t come pick me up. I called over to my Grandfather’s house and he was a little mad because she’d been over at the house doing some laundry; wondering where she was. But she never abandoned me any time, so he was a little confused so he came and picked me up. From a distance, we saw this puff of smoke. I just started praying because I didn’t want anybody to get hurt. Then we got there – it was my house. My mom was in there. I blamed myself for her death.
SID: Now you really were close to God before that point, but why did that cause you to feel distant from God?
TRACY: Well, they found her in the kitchen with the phone in her hand. I’d hung up the phone as she’d picked it up and a little girl; the enemy finds opportunities. And in my brokenness he found it. He said it’s your fault. Your God does not love you. If he loved you this wouldn’t happen; and the reason it happened is because you’re bad. You’re a murderer; you killed your mother.
SID: And you believed that.
TRACY: I believed it.
SID: So you were estranged from God from that point until age 30; you went to live with your father, and that wasn’t so great either. Why?
TRACY: My Father was a witch. He practiced a lot of the dark arts, a lot of occult and when I got in there, I was numb. I had no feeling at all and there’s alcohol readily available; and pot and everything else. So the first time, I took a drink, I was about seven and it numbed the pain. And thereafter, for the next couple of years, as soon as an emotion would come, and I’d go to my father to deal with the emotion, he’d tell me it’s all in my head and that I was being a martyr and a selfish child and I would go numb. I would go back to his liquor cabinet. By the age 9, I was drinking daily.
SID: And things even got worse. You had an incident with a woman?
TRACY: Oh well, that started when I was about 10 – where…
SID: That’s pretty young, Tracy.
TRACY: Yeah, yeah. Girlfriends would come over and apparently they were going through things too. Because we were attracted to each other, and it was a lot of heavy petting and being in the arms of somebody who loves you.
SID: But I imagine the trauma of all traumas was when your own father tried to molest you.
TRACY: Yeah I was older, I was older then. When I was 13, I was very extremely well built and he’d dress me up in silks and satin and take me out with his friends and they would use me and abuse me also. And all I knew to have somebody love me was to give my body up. So I gave my body up to men; I gave my body up to women; I gave my body up to anyone who would take it.
SID: At that point did you just think it was normal?
TRACY: Yes, because sexuality and sensuality was all over our home. I’ve seen my parents naked more times than I care to imagine.
SID: So when your father molested you, you left home. How old were you?
TRACY: I was 14.
SID: What does a 14-year-old girl do in this big world? I don’t know how you could have coped. I can picture my own daughter when she was fourteen I don’t see how she would’ve coped in an environment like the world.
TRACY: Well I hung out with one of his friends and she introduced me to a couple of people that had some clubs; and because I hung out with my father these people had seen me in the bars with my dad; knew my dad, so I started dancing and the striptease: taking my clothes off for a living at fourteen.
SID: Were you well compensated for this?
TRACY: Yes.
SID: How much were you making a year?
TRACY: I think we added it up and the first and second years I probably made about 200 thousand a year.
SID: And looking back then, were the alcohol, the drugs, the sex – was that enough of an opiate to mask all of your problems or are we hurting on the inside?
TRACY: Oh Sid, for a time it was fun. I was numb. All of those emotions could die. I created; being a minor, I had to create ten years to add up to my fake id that I had. So I had a whole new life. I created a big lie for ten years. I lied about my age; I had to. So I lied about everything. I mean, I had new parents, I came from wealth; all I had to do was get on the phone and call and they would drop a million dollars in the bank for me. I’m doing this because I’m beautiful and you love me.
SID: And I assume you were able to bank quite a bit of money.
TRACY: Not a penny.
SID: Not a penny?
TRACY: Not a penny.
SID: Making that kind of money – can’t bank anything, but she was numb so it didn’t matter. I’ll tell you what – when you find out what happened next in New Orleans, you will be shocked. Be right back right after this.
